


The Ethics Inspection of the Sexy Kobold Shop

by SilentJ43



Category: Medieval - Fandom
Genre: Absurd, Alternate Universe - Medieval, Crack, Dubious Ethics, Exhibitionism, Knights - Freeform, Kobolds, Light BDSM, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Perversion, Promiscuity, Sexual Humor, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:13:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21793561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentJ43/pseuds/SilentJ43
Summary: A knight goes to inspect a shop that is allegedly selling kobold companions intended for lascivious purposes.
Kudos: 10





	The Ethics Inspection of the Sexy Kobold Shop

Sir Baldric pulled a notice out of his pocket. Horses pulling carts passed by on the cobblestone street, and crowds of eager shoppers swarmed to the nearby potion stands and blacksmithies. The noise of the market district was a bit distracting for a knight used to filling reports in a quiet castle ward, so he read the notice aloud to himself: “Come on down to the Sexy Kobold Shop: scales, tails and females galore! Located in the West end of the market district, just past Shirley’s Shields and down the alley. 100% loyal companions, guaranteed to satisfy your every need. Make sure to check out our famous Two-for-One Tuesday deals for… double the pleasure.”

“My word!” accosted a nearby woman, giving Sir Baldric a judgmental glare and covering her child’s ears. The two peasants shuffled off as the embarrassed knight stammered, unable to come up with a suitable excuse for his words. He sighed and glanced at his surroundings. Up on his right, he noted the aforementioned Shirley’s Shields and an alley just past it. He gathered himself, cleared his throat and began to practice his introduction as he turned into the alleyway.

“I am Sir Baldric of the King’s knights,” he recited, his boot clanking off a discarded stein filled with stale ale. “And I am here in response to reports that this establishment’s business practices are inethical.” The knight trudged past a dirty homeless peasant crouched in the alley, sniffing a pair of panties. “Wait, unethical? Inethical? ...Unsavory.” Sir Baldric halted his march at the end of the alley, where a large sign reading “Sexy Kobold Shop” was suspended above a wooden door, with seductively posed kobolds painted on either side of the lettering. With a sigh, he turned the knob and opened the door.

“Good afternoon,” announced Sir Baldric immediately after stepping inside. “I am Sir Baldric of the King’s knights, and I am-”

“One sexy hunk of metal,” interrupted a reptilian voice. “Why don’t you come over here and pound me like those metal boots of yours pound the floorboards?”

Sir Baldric stood dumbfounded. He looked to the left, where a showcase of female kobolds wearing lingerie and thick makeup were lined up behind a series of metal bars. They smiled and giggled as the knight eyed them individually, unable to take his eyes off of the startling display. “Uh…” he blurted out in response.

“No need to say nothin’, sugar,” chirped a blue kobold, a bit shorter than the rest, wearing bright teal eye shadow. “I can teach you how to speak in tongues.” Her long tongue extended from her mouth and curled around an iron bar, showing off its impressive prehensility.

“Don’t mind them,” reassured a male human voice from the right of the shop. “They always get excited when they see new customers. I can help you over here.” Behind a counter stood a moustachioed man, grinning confidently. Sir Baldric gulped and strode over to the counter, trying to keep his professional demeanor.

“As I was saying,” continued Sir Baldric. “I am here for an inspection. The castle received reports that this shop has been using unsavory business practices, and I already have an idea of why. What is the purpose of this establishment?”

“Exactly what the name states,” answered the shopkeep. “We sell sexy kobold pets.”

“...to dudes who wanna get their fuck on,” added a yellow kobold with large frills on her head. “Nothin’ unsavory about this lizard, mister!” She pressed her pantied privates into a metal bar in front of her and moaned.

“Silly things, aren’t they?” commented the shopkeep to Sir Baldric, who couldn’t help but stare for a few moments. “They’re very popular though, all kinds of people like to keep kobolds as companions.”

“Silly?!” blurted Sir Baldric, starting to get red in the face. “I’d hardly describe that kind of behaviour as silly! There’s clearly something strange going on here. Are people really buying these creatures merely as companions?”

“Hey now, that’s none of our business,” retorted the shopkeep. “We sell these kobolds with a strict pets-only policy and advise our customers of the kingdom’s animal rights laws. The rest is up to them”.

“Don’tcha worry, tin can,” sang a raspy-voiced purple kobold with a particularly large rear, grinding a metal bar between its butt cheeks. “We get treated REEEAL good.”

Sir Baldric raised his chin and a sweat droplet dripped down into his armor. “And do you have a permit for selling beasts?”

“Of course, it’s right there on the wall,” replied the shopkeep, pointing to a framed document on the wall. Sure enough, it was an official merchant’s permit with a legitimate signature from the King’s head of commerce. Sir Baldric leaned in close for a few moments, desperately hoping to find some error or evidence of forgery.

“Hey Rusty,” called a red Kobold with curly horns. “I’ll give you some lines to read between.” He turned around to see that she had lowered her panties and was spreading her pussy apart with her fingers.

“Ugh!” grunted Sir Baldric in dismay, covering his eyes and shaking his head. “Why do they act like that and say such vile things? Do you train them to perform unscrupulous acts?”

“Nah man,” answered the shopkeep, shrugging. “That’s how we get them. Our suppliers have just been finding them like that lately. No one really knows why.”

“And who are your suppliers?” interrogated Sir Baldric. “Where do they get the kobolds?”

“Random adventurers and random dungeons, respectively,” responded the shopkeep. “All according to regulations. We don’t ask questions. All dungeon loot is eligible to be sold freely to merchants, including tamed beasts. Is there anything else you need, sir?”

“I know I need some fat human cock in my ass,” interjected a slender green kobold, holding a butt cheek to the side and exposing its asshole.

“Yeah, just come over here and fuck us already,” whined another kobold. Soon more and more began to pipe up, moaning and drooling and pressing their bodies against the metal bars in a senseless display of lust. The shop had become quite loud and Sir Baldric’s face had become quite red. His teeth began to grit in frustration.

“Hey, you lot!” shouted the shopkeep impatiently, silencing the kobolds immediately. “Do you all want me to whip you later?” he pulled out a large black cat-o-nine-tails from behind the counter and cracked it, making Sir Baldric jump.

“Yes pleeeeease!” chanted all of the kobolds in lustful unison.

“Then be quiet while I deal with this guest.” The shopkeep put the whip away and the kobolds giggled to themselves, standing patiently. “Anyway, so are we done here? Did this shop pass your inspection?”

Sir Baldric slumped over in resignation. “Yes, I don’t believe there are any violations here I can write you up for. But I will certainly need to review this with the higher-ups, as this case may require special jurisdiction. For now, I will bid you good day.” He saluted and marched out of the shop, closing the door behind him. All of the kobolds sighed, evidently disappointed that they did not get purchased.

After mere moments however, the door opened once more and Sir Baldric peeked back in. “Actually, I’ll take that one there with me,” he requested, blushing brightly and pointing at the purple kobold. “You know, for… research purposes.” Lewd noises once again filled the shop.

“Of course,” replied the shopkeep, grinning. “Will that be cash or cheque?”

The End


End file.
